page, is on display in the Museum of Improbable Research, at Harvard University.
The other Internet Barbie is preserved inside a small time capsule that was buried at MIT in 1994 to honor the turn of the century of centuries. In response to our request then for ideas about whom/what we should bury to best capture the essence of the late twentieth century, a gentleman named Donald Turnblade proposed a symbol embodying the interconnected
ness, human nature, character, and intellect of the Internet: a half-naked Barbie doll with fiber-optic cables instead of faux flaxen hair.
We have eliminated the half-nakedness in deference to various government initiatives regarding obscenity and fun. Now, Internet Barbie is cloaked in a modest, protective yet provocative, stylish and sincere, SuperbConductive™ tinfoil evening wrap.
Internet Barbie took form in the dead of night in our laboratory in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The design/manufacturing team used contents from a dumpster (notably a preowned conventional Barbie doll) and an armamentarium of used computer parts. Internet Barbie contains more than 216 million parts, nearly all of them microscopic, the vast majority of which are dust particles or bacteria. The cable is standard issue, pilfered from Radio Shack. Internet Barbie is as Mac-compatible as she is PC-compatible.
Now, we hereby announce the Internet Barbie Design Contest. With the millennium comes a need for a new, i
mproved Internet Barbie design. Please construct your candidate for Internet Barbie Mark 2000, then send us a photograph. You may ship us the actual device, but please do not expect to get it back. The winner will receive a genuine 1.4-MB blank disk, a hearty handshake (which you must track us down to receive), and a letter of commendation.
Quality Contest
We are sponsoring an ongoing Quality Contest. The purpose is to constructively combine two facts of modern life: One, we are all expected to spend our working hours immersed in quality; and two, if you keep your boss immersed in quality, you will be free to finish your work.
We therefore announce a technical essay contest. Each month, or whenever we feel like it, we will have a new contest. This month's challenge: define a technical specification for a database to inventory, manipulate, and analyze large quantities of quality. Entries are limited to a maximum of 100 words. The winner will receive a free su
bscription to our new publication,
Nano-Quality
, if we ever publish it.
New Warehouse Pest: Data Moths
Readers tell us that data cleansing and coordination among various departments are two of the most difficult challenges in a data warehouse project. But a new, frankly distasteful, problem has emerged for keepers of data warehouses: data moths.
Problems associated with data moths include chewing of disks, tapes, and other media. A data moth infestation can turn a clean, tidy data warehouse into a big, sad, lonely closet filled with miscellaneous frayed bits and bytes and messy, dropping-encrusted index tables and gigaboxes. Database administrators report they have returned rested and tanned from vacation, only to face row after row of half-empty data hangers, some holding nothing more than woolly strings and rusty old pointers.
photo_link (61 Kbytes)
Internet Barbie has over 216 million parts and a SuperbConductive evening wrap.
Marc Abrahams is the editor of The Annals of Improbable Research. You can reach him at
marca@improb.com
.
Internet Barbie Dolls, Data Warehouses, and Request for Quality
