Consumed by Electronics

By Lincoln Spector

July 5, 2004

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What a way to spend a summer vacation—in a rustic cabin high up in the Rocky Mountains! Teeming forests! Roaring rivers! Majestic peaks!

We were trapped in our cabin for the tenth straight day by what locals called the worst summer snow storm since June. We were huddled around the fireplace when someone outside pounded on the door.

My wife was uneasy. "Maybe it's a bear."

"Or cable modem," I reasoned. I opened the door, and in walked a man with more arctic gear than Siberia. He peeled off a few layers and…wouldn't you know it—it was my neighbor, Norman.

You remember Norman, don't you? President, CEO, CTO, and Director of Rodent Relationships (i.e., exterminator) for SoftPopDotCom.com. Just my luck it wasn't a bear.

"Hi, Lincoln," he said cheerfully as he dumped his outer clothing and a few tons of excess snow on the easy chair. "I thought I'd drop in and show you some of the exciting accessories coming from our new subsidiary, SoftPop Largely Operational Peripherals. Clever, huh? The domain name is splop.com, or would be if someone didn't beat us to it. So instead we're SoftPopLargelyOperationalPeripheralsDotCom—splop.net."

"Norman, my wife and I were just enjoying a…" That's when I realized that my wife was no longer in the room, and that the bathroom door was closed, locked, bolted, and probably welded shut. My wife knows Norman.

"We've got the latest and greatest in accessories for the digital lifestyle. For instance, where else can you buy a nifty, portable, pocket-sized MPEG 2 Player." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a gadget about the size of a deck of cards strapped to cigarette pack. "With the SPod, you can watch any MPEG 2 movie—the very format used for Hollywood's most popular DVDs."

"So, is this basically a portable DVD player?" I asked.

"No lasers here! Those things are dangerous! Haven't you seen Goldfinger? With the SPod, you can store your entertainment in 512MB of flash memory, enough for over 15 one-minute movies.

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