Poetic Frustration

By Lincoln Spector

January 2, 2006

(Poetic Frustration :  Page 1 of 1 )

You've called Krell Komputer, Customer Care.
We'll make you happy or we'll make you swear.

Hi, I ordered your desktop, the Power Machine
With 12 USB ports and 20-inch screen.
The box came today and I opened it quick,
I pulled out the Styrofoam, ten inches thick,
Found the mouse and the keyboard, that big LCD.
But one thing was lacking; you left out the PC.

Left out the PC? Now that's some displacement.
But we'll fix you up; send you out a replacement.
Whoops! I cannot do it; this is customer care.
We're here to take phone calls, not ship out the ware.
We're not here to help when the system, it fails.
Since you bought a computer, you should have called Sales.

I must call again? Just the thought makes me cold.
For eighteen full minutes I waited on hold.

You need not call again, nor this time need you wait,
I'll transfer you over and put you through straight.
I'll tell your whole story to Stanley or Leon,
And you'll have your PC in the flash of an eon.

Well, alright. If it must be, I'll...my, she was bold.
Before I consented she put me on hold.

(23 minutes later)

You've called Krell Komputers, my name, it is Eddy,
The Department of Sales, have your credit card ready.

I'm not here to buy, not this time, not this minute.
You shipped me a box. No computer was in it.
I want what I bought; it's that simple and clean.
I want my Krell Deluxe fast Power Machine.

I can see why you're angry; we're the ones that did err.
But this isn't for Sales; please call Customer Care.

That's who I just called! What I'm telling is true!
I tried Customer Care and they sent me to you!

This is Customer Care's job. I'm not being brash.
I'm not here to solve problems; I'm here to take cash.
I'm speaking the truth; I'm a really straight shooter.
Only Customer Care can replace your computer.

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