Seek, But Do Not Find

By Lincoln Spector

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March 1, 2007: Today Google Inc. announced several new initiatives for its Chinese web site, Google.cn. "We want to give the largest population on Earth a true, near-Google experience," explained spokesperson Alice Asknot, speaking to reporters under a banner proclaiming Google.cn's new slogan, "Don't be inquisitive."

Among the new additions will be a Chinese version of gmail, offering what Asknot described as "a state-of-the-art security system." Every message will be personally checked for spam and viruses by secret police. "China has very stiff penalties for spammers," Asknot explained. "In fact, you can go to prison for a one-time spamming of a single individual. Of course, if that individual opted in to receive your spam, he or she will go to prison, too. When I say 'go to prison,' I mean if you're lucky."

But Asknot seemed defensive when asked how the Chinese government defines spam: "Look, Google is dedicated to the open sharing of information-without restrictions. We can't talk about that subject."

Another major innovation is the Chinese version of Google Maps, complete with satellite imaging. "Fantastic satellite imaging" Asknot enthused. "The Chinese really have a fantastic set of satellites over their country. You can lip-read people talking on the street, or even in their homes. And there's audio, as well."

Chinese privacy activists need not worry, if there are any Chinese privacy activists left. Special software designed at Google will guarantee that neither the maps nor the satellite images will invade the privacy of Communist Party officers.

Chinese citizens can use Google Maps to find local businesses. With a few keystrokes and clicks, for instance, you get a map and directions to Shanghai's Long Live Chairman Mao and the Glorious Proletariat Burger King. Due to concerns about unauthorized travel, directions may not be accurate.

Technical enthusiasts can enhance Google Maps with their own mashups. For instance, Yong Li of Chinghai created a variation on Google Maps that highlights toxic waste sites, and is now serving a 15-year sentence.

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